Understand Your Attachment Style and Build Stronger Relationships
When you grow up in a nurturing environment where your physical and emotional needs are consistently met, you form a secure attachment to your primary caregiver. This bond is the source of emotional health and it creates a lifelong template of the value and reliability of relationships. It lets you know that there will always be someone there for you and this knowing allows you to form meaningful relationships with others throughout your lifespan. Under these conditions, you become mentally strong, emotionally available, learn that you are lovable, and recognize your innate value.You know that you matter.
Insecure Attachment
But what happens if you grow up in an environment without having your needs met? In that case, you learn that relationships are disappointing and that you can’t depend on others to meet your needs. This is called forming an insecure attachment. There are three types of insecure attachments - Ambivalent Attachment, Avoidant Attachment and Disorganized Attachment:
Ambivalent Attachment: This attachment style develops when a parent’s response to the child is unpredictable and inconsistent. The child is left not knowing when or if their needs will be met. This unpredictability and inconsistency is terrifying for the child. They develop into adults who need constant reassurance that they are loved. They have poor personal boundaries, are clingy, worry that their partner will abandon them, take things very personally, and don’t see how they contribute to conflict in the relationship.
Avoidant Attachment: This attachment style develops when a parent is aloof, rejecting, emotionally distant, and misattuned to their child. The child grows up feeling starved of emotional nourishment or warmth. They develop into adults who believe that they will never get their emotional needs met by anyone. They learn to avoid getting close to others, don’t like talking about feelings, have a hard time with commitment and they compartmentalize all their relationships – keeping them separate from each other.
Disorganized Attachment: This attachment style develops when a parent is abusive, behaves erratically. or is excessively punitive in their parenting style. The child develops into an adult who believes that being in a relationship will hurt them. They have difficulty with soothing themselves and trusting others. They feel inferior to others, suffer from depression or anxiety, and have difficulty concentrating.
What Should You Expect During Attachment Therapy Sessions?
If you struggle with insecure attachment, I encourage you to start from a place of self-acceptance. Your difficulties developing healthy and satisfying relationships originate in your attachment wounds. We’ll tend to those wounds and help you learn that not all relationships hurt.
Can You Change Your Attachment Style?
If you see yourself as someone who has an insecure attachment style, don’t despair. Attachment styles are malleable and can be changed. You can learn how to trust and feel safe in intimate relationships. We’ll work on this together.
I’m Michelle Halle, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist in Lakewood, NJ, I partner with individuals and couples and explore new ways to understand and feel close to each other. During individual or couples therapy, we explore ways to improve your relationships and live a life feeling more connected to others and to yourself.
How to Schedule a Session
I welcome you to contact me by phone or email. Online therapy sessions are available.